People often ask me how I came to be egalitarian, or to believe in co-leadership between men and women in marriage and the church. I always tell them, while laughing, “Well, my husband Mark became egalitarian, so I submitted to him and became egalitarian too.”

And I’m only half joking. Mark took a class on women in leadership during his studies at Elim Bible Institute, and it opened his eyes to what the scripture truly says about women in ministry. It wasn’t hard for him to convince me. I was an eager convert.

About a year ago, a friend gave me a simple prophetic word that hit hard. She told me I have a backbone of steel. She didn’t know it, but over the years, I’d received that word repeatedly. In fact, I’d received it so frequently that for a time I resented it. I didn’t want to be the one who could take anything without breaking—because I didn’t want to walk through hard stuff. I had actually gotten so frustrated that I’d complained to God about that word, and from then on, no one had given it to me again. It had been at least fifteen years—until that afternoon last spring chatting and enjoying roasted milkshakes at an ice cream shop with a new friend.

When she said those words, they hit differently. And I felt gratitude.

In those fifteen years, I’d faced several deeply hard events in my life. I’d faced grief and loss on a level I could not have imagined previously. And I found I could stay on my feet in the fight for my child’s life and mental health—not because I was OK (because I wasn’t), but because God breathed his strength into me every single day.

Cor. 11:3; 1 Pet. 3:7-8).[1] But there’s more to the idea of wife-only submission than just the question of what submission means.

If, as many churches teach, the biblical ideal of submission means obedience, and wives owe it to their husbands (but not husbands to their wives), then we (intentionally or unintentionally) equate a wife’s ability to obey her husband with her holiness before God.

And that comes with all kinds of baggage.

Last summer, our family bought season passes to a local amusement park. We’d arrive in the morning, full of energy and excitement, ready to get in as many rides as we could. But by mid-afternoon, our strength and energy were usually lagging far behind our earlier enthusiasm. One day, we stayed even longer than usual because we’d brought some friends along to the park. It was very sunny, high nineties, and humid. We walked more than six miles. And by the time we left, many hours later, I felt deeply exhausted. As we walked from the park exit to our minivan, I found myself focusing on each step, just willing my body toward the air conditioning and a place to sit.

In the natural, we go from strength to weakness. From strong to weary. The longer we walk, the more tired we become. Walking six miles in the sun on a hot and humid day will rapidly drain our strength. But the Bible says spiritual strength works differently.