As I Have Loved
When my husband, Mark, and I were dating, he owned a car he absolutely loved. He had prayed for several very specific features when shopping for the car, and God had provided the perfect vehicle that ticked all of his boxes.
One day, Mark asked me to help him pick up his car from the shop after he had some work done on the brakes. I was to drive his car home. Unfortunately, as I was pulling out of the parking spot, the brakes failed. I pushed the brake pedal, and it went straight to the floor. No resistance. (Apparently, air bubbles had gotten into the brake lines, causing the brakes to momentarily give way, but as someone who is not mechanically inclined, I had no idea what could be wrong.)
Not knowing what was happening, I panicked and accidentally ran into the brick side of the garage. Even though I wasn’t going very fast, the collision set off the air bags, and just like that, I had totaled Mark’s dream car.
When I stepped out of the car, shaking and feeling horrible, I saw Mark walking toward me from across the parking lot. I thought I knew what he was going to say. I can’t believe you wrecked my dream car! What were you thinking? I braced myself for his disappointment.
Instead, his first words to me were, “Are you OK?” Not once that day, or any day after, did he make me feel bad about his car.
I will never forget that day because when I expected anger, I received mercy. When I expected disappointment, I received acceptance. When I least expected it, Mark gave me a greater revelation of the way God loves—the way he keeps no record of our wrongs. The way he embraces us in the middle of our mess. The way we don’t have to be perfect to be loved.
And it changed me.
It’s easy to think that we must be enough or do enough to be loved by God. Too often, our human relationships are like that. When we fall short, we experience some sort of relational punishment from family members or friends. But that’s not how God loves us, and it’s not how we should love one another.
One of our great callings as believers is to be the love of Jesus to others in the ups and downs of life. As Jesus told his followers, “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another” (John 13:34 NIV). So many Christians are not known for loving like Jesus, and it’s because they don’t understand how he loves.
The Bible gives us various definitions and examples of what God’s love is like, but I think they can all be summed up in one basic idea. Christ-like love prioritizes relationship over behavior. This is what the cross is all about. Our behavior wasn’t good enough, but his love for us was bigger than our sin.
When Jesus came to earth to live as a human and give his life to restore our relationship with God, he showed us that the Father prioritizes connection over obedience. Yes, he wants us to obey, but even more, he wants our hearts. (And of course, he knows that when he has our hearts, we will obey because we love him and want to protect our relationship with him, not because we are afraid he will punish us.)
Recognizing how God loves us is the first step toward living out that kind of love toward others. In my friendships, my marriage, my parenting—I’ve found these questions to be helpful guides in positioning my heart to love like Christ when others let me down.
1. Am I reacting out of anger or fear? If so, what root emotion is driving my response? Why did this event cause such a response in my heart?
2. Am I prioritizing a thing or a belief or even my own convenience above the person in front of me? If so, what needs to change in my perspective so that I can value the other person’s feelings and needs properly?
In a healthy relationship, the connection between two people matters most. Of course, we still have expectations about behavior, and how people treat us does matters. If a person persistently or purposefully treats us poorly, then it’s time to establish some healthy boundaries. (Danny Silk’s Keep Your Love On is an excellent resource on healthy boundaries.) Knowing how to protect our hearts from unkind people is important—and it actually empowers us to love people more fully.
When I think of Jesus’ love for us, I think of the way he persistently overlooked religious expectations in favor of love. The way he healed on the sabbath (John 5:1-18; Mark 3:1-6; Luke 13:10-17). The way he didn’t throw stones at the woman caught in adultery (John 8:1-11). The way he called Peter into leadership over his flock just days after Peter had denied him (John 21:15-17).
God’s love for us confounds all of our religious expectations because he loves us when we feel like we least deserve it. And then he calls us to do the same for others.
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