When People Show You Who They Are
Christians are often really good at forgiving people and giving second chances. After all, forgiveness and redemption are the essence of the gospel message. It’s a beautiful part of who we are—until it’s not.
The desire to see good in others can also be weaponized against us.
A few years ago, I learned this on a personal level. A Christian minister for whom I’d worked ten years was discovered in abusive and predatory behavior. Not only had he spiritually abused and manipulated students and staff, but he’d also sexually groomed and assaulted multiple individuals. This was the second time he’d been caught in spiritual and sexual abuse as a leader. In the wake of this revelation, his ministry once again shut down, and he entered a several-year period of “healing.”
I had my own personal stuff to sort through related to what happened (which I mention in my book), but I also began to wrestle with the Christian idealism surrounding restoration of fallen leaders. So many of this man’s followers were so focused on the hope of restoring this man to ministry that they neglected to step back and ask themselves if he biblically should be restored. They were so enamored with his giftedness and charisma that they couldn’t see the danger.
Now this man is once again rebuilding his platform using the same tactics he used the first time he fell and then reasserted himself—and people are following him and praising him without stopping to ask important questions.
First, has he made restitution to his victims or any attempt to be reconciled with them? Does he evidence true repentance and grief over the harm he caused others? Is his victims’ healing more important to him than the idea of regaining his platform?
Second, can we observe any behavioral patterns that should be red flags? In other words, is he a repeat offender? Does he continue his manipulative language and techniques?
Third, is he enamored with his own greatness? Does he believe his anointing and message are so significant that he must return to ministry, that no one else could do what he’s called to do? Does he need a platform, or would he be willing to live out his life among the laity?
These questions have to do with observable fruit. People will say all kinds of things. People who are good at manipulating are good at deceiving others—even those closest to them. They know how to sound humble and vulnerable without truly repenting. They know how to weaponize our compassion so that we will overlook their sins. So how do we know the truth?
It’s simple: When people show you who they are—believe them. We can discover the truth about who people are by observing the fruit of their lives.
Of course, when I say it’s simple, I don’t mean it’s easy. Discerning the truth can sometimes be very hard, but sooner or later, people’s actions will reveal the truth about the condition of their hearts (see 1 Tim. 5:24-25).
As the Good Shepherd, Jesus felt great concern for the danger of predatory people who would try to take advantage of his sheep. This is why he warned his followers, “Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves” (Matt. 7:15 NIV). And then Jesus told his followers how to identify these wolves in sheep’s clothing. “By their fruit you will recognize them…. Every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit” (Matt. 7:16-18 NIV).
We have all done things that hurt others. We have all acted immaturely or in ignorance. We are all in process. That’s not what Jesus was talking about in these verses. He was talking about big picture fruit. What is the overall impact of a person’s life? And does that person have a trail of victims in his or her wake? If so, you might be looking at a wolf.
Even more important than knowing what red flags to look for is understanding Jesus’ great heart and priority for the vulnerable and innocent. He cares so much that, at times, his desire to protect them comes out in a way that seems harsh and extreme and unforgiving. Like when Jesus railed hard against the Pharisees, the religious leaders of his day, who abused their power and misled others (see Matt. 23).
Like when Jesus said it would be better for a person to drown than to become a stumbling block for the innocent: “Things that cause people to stumble are bound to come, but woe to anyone through whom they come. It would be better for them to be thrown into the sea with a millstone tied around their neck than to cause one of these little ones to stumble” (Luke 17:1-2 NIV).
The above passages used to bother me because I couldn’t hear Jesus’ heart of mercy and forgiveness in them. Now I realize that Jesus’ offer of forgiveness and mercy to all who are repentant is not the same as an endorsement of a person’s character or leadership. Sanctification (God’s purifying work in us) is a process we must choose to engage, and it is a process that takes time.
Only those who have embraced Christ’s sanctifying work in their lives are eligible as potential leaders, because leaders are responsible to care for and protect the flock. They are Christ’s stewards of his people. This is why the apostle James warned that leaders will be “judged more strictly” (James 3:1 NIV), and Paul counseled Timothy to publicly reprove leaders who were sinning “so that others may take warning” (1 Tim. 5:20 NIV).
So often we look to a person’s gifting or anointing or charisma to determine leadership ability, but in the church, our first priority should be finding those who will be shepherds like the Good Shepherd and who will prioritize care for Christ’s flock—remembering that Christ bought them with his own blood, and they are precious to him (see Acts 20:28).
In Paul’s final message to the leaders of the Ephesian church, he charged them to keep watch over the flock, saying, “I know that after I leave, savage wolves will come in among you and will not spare the flock.… So be on your guard! Remember that for three years I never stopped warning each of you night and day with tears” (Acts 20:29-31 NIV).
Paul repeatedly warned church leaders—with emotion to the point of tears—to watch out for wolves and to guard the flock from them. Protecting the vulnerable and innocent mattered greatly to Jesus and Paul, and it should matter to us. Whether you are a leader with the authority to promote leaders or a member of the flock who gets to choose who you will follow, remember to pay attention to the fruit.
When people show you who they are, believe them.
To purchase Amy’s book, The Way Back to Hope, CLICK HERE!
Subscribe to Amy’s mailing list to receive a FREE downloadable study guide for The Way Back to Hope and be the first to know when she posts a new blog.