When Self-Care Falls Short
I never heard people talk about self-care when I was growing up. Now, everyone’s talking about it. And I’m glad. We need to know how to take care of ourselves. We need to know how to not burn out. Jesus agrees. When reflecting on the old covenant, Jesus said the second greatest commandment was to “love your neighbor as yourself” (Matt. 22:39). The implication is that if we don’t know how to first love ourselves, we won’t do a great job loving others. Self-care teaches us how to love ourselves—not just so that we can be emotionally healthy, but also so that we will effectively love and serve others.
Yet so often, our vision of self-care is limited to ourselves. We frame self-care in terms of me and my needs—instead of seeing the whole picture. Instead of remembering that self-care isn’t an end unto itself, but is designed to lead us toward something bigger than ourselves. In Jesus’ kingdom, self-care leads to service.
The problem is, so many of us grew up being told that serving others matters more than taking care of ourselves. Perhaps we witnessed our parents or pastors pushing themselves too hard—sacrificing family and their own emotional and physical health on the altar of Christian service. That isn’t healthy either. Yes, Jesus does ask us to serve and give radically for his kingdom, but he also tells us, “Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light (Matt. 11:29–30). In other words, Jesus wants to teach us how to serve others and do the work of his kingdom in a way that is not burdensome, in a way that does not wear out our souls or extinguish our fire.
A few years ago, our family walked through a very dark time with one of our kids. When everything fell apart, I was a few weeks into a mentoring commitment at our church. Considering our circumstances, the pastor who was leading that ministry asked me if I’d like to be excused from the commitment. I so appreciated her kindness toward me, yet after I prayed about the decision, I decided to continue mentoring.
And I am so glad I did. Some days it felt terribly hard to show up to meetings with something to give. But that deficit caused me to lean in more fully to his “light and easy yoke,” to rely on his strength when I am weak. After all, communion with Jesus is the ultimate self-care. It empowers us to give with his capacity instead of our own. Even when I felt like I had nothing to give, he showed up in me and empowered me to pour into others. Seeing his power at work in me strengthened my heart. Even in the darkest night, his light shines brightly through me. I get to live in that light; I get to be that light to the world around me.
Jesus’ answer to hard times and weary hearts is not only self-care, but self-care in tandem with wholehearted service and love. We can’t do this on our own, but we can do it in him. Even on our most difficult days, we can live from Christ’s strength. As the apostle Paul wrote, “…Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day” (2 Cor. 4:16).
In my pursuit of the healthy balance between self-care and service, I’ve found a few principles helpful:
1. Do it for love. So many of us learned to serve with motives other than love. Maybe we did it because we were afraid of disappointing people (or God), afraid that if we didn’t serve, we wouldn’t be loved. Maybe we thought serving would prove our maturity or earn us a promotion. Or maybe serving is just what we’ve always done, what we are supposed to do. Regardless, Jesus wants us to learn to serve him and others from love. Not because we have to, but because we want to. Because we are learning to feel his heart for other people, and that love compels us to serve.
2. Know your lane. When you serve in areas you are called to, you will experience greater levels of grace (divine empowerment) to serve effectively. That doesn’t mean it won’t ever be hard or frustrating, but it does mean you will more easily overcome those hurdles because you know you are in the right place. You are doing what you’re made to do, what God is calling you to, and that gives you purpose. Of course, sometimes you will need to serve in areas that might not be your gifting or calling, and that’s good, too, because it stretches you. But focusing your serving on your areas of gifting will enable you to serve more effectively and help prevent burnout.
3. Be proactive about self-care. So many of us get into trouble with self-care because we only think about it after we are in crisis. God showed us what healthy self-care looks like when he instituted the sabbath for the Jewish people. In other words, self-care works best when it’s a regularly scheduled part of our lives—not just something we do after we already feel burned out. Find things that help you recharge (for example, lifting weights, reading a book, family game night, getting a massage, etc.) and then incorporate them into your schedule. And don’t forget the most important kind of self-care, which is spending time with God. If you create healthy boundaries to protect your family life and your emotional health on the front end, then you will be much less likely to reach a place of burnout.
Let’s not forget: Self-care is not the goal, but a necessary accessory the goal. Jesus fills us up so that we can be healthy people and also so that we can pour what we have received into others. When instructing his disciples about ministry, Jesus said, “Freely you have received; freely give” (Matt. 10:8). Even during the hardest seasons, God’s renewing power not only enables us to access his strength, but also to make an impact for his kingdom.
To purchase Amy’s book, The Way Back to Hope, CLICK HERE!
Subscribe to Amy’s mailing list to receive a FREE downloadable study guide for The Way Back to Hope and be the first to know when she posts a new blog.